Christmas Money Block

I hate Christmas.

Yes, I’m one of those weird / not so weird people who hates Christmas.

I’ve hated Christmas as long as I can remember. I mean, seriously, I can’t remember EVER really liking this holiday.

I hated it when I was a very little kid. What kid hates Christmas?! I mean, really! Right?

But I have, my whole life, hated this holiday. I’ve hated everything about it. The music. The barrage of overly sentimental tv shows. The gift giving. The gift receiving. (What?) The decorations. The snow. (Where I grew up, not where I am now.) Being in the stores. The people in the stores. The church stuff. The food.

Yes, crazy as it sounds, I even hate all the food drama.

I always thought that this was tied to “end of the year blues”. You know, the thinking that it’s the whole season representing the passing of time, human aging, goals and dreams unfulfilled, mounting regrets – blah blah blah.

I’ve even had therapists tell me its perfectly normal. “You’re fine.” Dismiss me and my feelings as if they were nothing. And I end up feeling even worse, and more like an outcast.

I think a lot of people get end of the year blues. It IS common. It’s not crazy or weird, either.

But that doesn’t explain why I hate Christmas. I mean, HATE. Like, I hate it so much I want to hurt it. Hate, hate. Not dislike. Not annoyance. Not ugh. I’m talking outright hate!

Yesterday, on my walk, I told myself I was going to figure this out. I feel so awful this time of year. I’m in such emotional turmoil, in fact, that I get physically sick. Every year, including this year. I can’t remember a Christmas when I wasn’t on antibiotics. Truthfully. That’s how bad it gets for me.

So, why?

As I was walking, thinking about it, running images thru my mind, I saw it. “It’s money.” I said. “There’s never any money. I can’t give what I want. I never GET what I want. I can’t support others. It’s so fucking stressful! There’s always fights and stress and anger about the money I don’t have, the money I’m spending, the things I can’t do.”

WOW!

“I hate Christmas” is really a money block! Holy shitballs!

So, here I am: it’s a money block. I’m definitely going to do some work on my money story. For sure. But also on forgiving myself for that pain all these years; for being secretly angry with myself for never “fixing” this.

I’m also going to work on my joy (thank you, Katie Henry). It’s okay to love this time of year. It’s okay to love all the colored lights, and decorations.

And it’s definitely okay to love the food. Alright, now! I’m saying! Hello, FUDGE!

For Me

Had a very exciting moment this weekend.

It was a kind of a major, emotional, self-love, empowering, holy f%ck, kinda break thru. It’s pretty exiting to me, actually.

I was getting ready for the church xmas party. I was going to dress up, but then what I wanted to wear was in the laundry.

Ever happen to you? It happened to me.

Then I had a really negative thought, “What does it matter what I wear? I don’t have to bother with doing my hair, or putting on makeup. There aren’t any single men around.” (It’s a church party, remember.)

But then, out of the blue, I said, “Fuck it! I want to dress nice – FOR ME!”

Wait! Hello!

The audacity! The boldness! The brazenness! The gall! The crazy arrogance! The vanity!

The hell with that noise!

How about the outright coolness?!

It seems that all that mindset work, and vision boarding, and goal setting is actually paying off.

Yes, I’m meeting my goals. Yes, I’m working my biz, and all that.

But, can we get a “hell yes” for starting to like myself?!

I went to the party. I didn’t care who noticed. I didn’t care who didn’t notice. I felt great!

Boom! Mic drop!

PS – I have a course starting soon, all about goal setting, vision boards (a different kind), mindset, and believing you can do the damn thing. If you’re interested, just comment below or contact me on my email! 🙂

Red Light

I’m not good enough.

I’m not smart enough. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I never do anything right. My life is terrible. I’m such a mess. No one will ever love me. Why does this always happen to me? I just want to give up.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. Negative self-talk is VERY common. Does it come from childhood? Does it come from a bad relationship? Is it just bad luck, or nature?

Who cares? I mean, really. It doesn’t matter how it started. All that really matters is how we help you stop it.

My favorite trick, that always works for me, is very simple. When I catch myself repeating negative garbage from a past abusive relationship (which is the source of most of the crap in my head), I immediately say, “Whoa! Red Light!” I use this as an immediate pattern interrupt. It stops the negative talk ON THE SPOT.

I teach my clients to use this phrase, or something similar. “Stop.” “Cancel cancel.” “Whoa, horsey.” Anything you like. “Banana pancakes!” Whatever works. Just interrupt the crap running thru your mind.

Next, I have a conversation with myself. It sounds like this:

“Okay. So, you aren’t very smart. Okay. I know that’s how you feel. I get it. BUT is it true? I mean, really, Kathleen. Is it true? You know you have a better than decent IQ. You got good grades in school, when you wanted to. You know how to do a lot, and you know how to look shit up. So, are you stupid? No, of course not. You are NOT stupid. What you are is scared and frustrated. That’s okay. Let’s deal with it.”

Then I talk myself thru the fear and the frustration.

See what I did? I stopped, dead in it’s tracks, the negative noise in my head. I comforted myself. I found out if what I was thinking about myself was true. I provided evidence to the CONTRARY of the lie. Then I talked myself into a better frame of mind, into a better story.

That’s it. That’s how you do it.

Stop the talk. Prove it’s a lie. Build yourself back up. Done.

(If you got any value out of this post, please like comment and share. Tag a friend who could benefit. I’d appreciate it. Thanks! And if you have any questions, post below and let’s clear it up! 😉 )

PS – I have a course starting shortly – Make It Happen Now, Creating Your Epic Badass Life. In that course we are going to set ourselves up on the right track for the New Year. Goal setting, goal plans, vision boards, and MINDSET. Yes, mindset.

Part of achieving anything – maybe the most important part of achieving anything – is the mindset. Getting your head right and believing you can do it. Well, that’s what we are going to be doing in this course.

If you’re interested in the course, comment below or PM me and I’ll send you the link for more details.

Decisions part2

Speaking of decisions…

Yesterday I spoke about how, when you make a decision, it’s very powerful.

And it is!

Yesterday, tho, I think I left out a small distinction – one that’s actually pretty critical.

There’s a BIG difference between deciding you want something, and deciding you’re going to have it.

Most of the time when we decide we want something, we still haven’t committed to getting it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely vital to figure out what you want, to decide “this is it.”

Deciding what you want creates excitement. You’ll talk about it. Your brain will start seeking it out. The more you think about it, the more you’ll want it. Excitement breeds more excitement.

This is so important. After all, the brain and body will not seek out what it doesn’t really want.

BUT – all the desire in the world is still just a dream without action.

When you decide you’re going to have that thing, no matter what – that’s when you’ll take action. It’s the action that get’s you the thing you want.

No one ever became a millionaire, an Olympic athlete, or an Academy Award winning actor, by wanting it, and then sitting on the couch and eating bonbons.

Oooooo. Bonbons! I wonder if I have any in the kitchen.

First make the decision to want – really obsessed crazy desire want –  the thing you want.

Then decide to have it. No matter what.

Now to go look for the bonbons.

Decisions

Am I the only one who feels motherf$cking unstoppable when I decide to do something?

It’s like putting on your superhero cape. Right?

There is something that changes in us when we make a decision. We have declared that, no matter what, it will happen. We have declared that, no matter what, we will do the work. We have declared that, no matter what, it’s ours.

Hell! WE HAVE DECLARED WAR!

War on our excuses. War on our fears. War on our doubts. War on our negative thoughts. War on the negative, doubting, fearful BS of others. We have declared war on failure – failure is not an option!

There is something so incredibly powerful about that attitude.

You know who you are. You know when you set your mind on something – REALLY set your mind on something – it happens. You make it happen. You don’t quit until it happens. No matter what.

So – Decide. Today. Right fu&king now. That thing you want to have / do / be – decide. Right now.

Declare war. Put on your superhero cape. And do the damn thing!

PS – I have a digital course starting very soon. Make It Happen Now, Creating Your Epic Badass Life.

I’m going to guide you thru finding those goals that you just can’t live without anymore. We’ll create a 90-day plan to achieve them (or make massive progress). We’ll create a different kind of vision board, to keep you focused and motivated. And we WILL deal with all those mental blocks that have held you back in the past, and may be stopping you now.

PM me or Comment below and I’ll share the link.

Make a Decision. And make it happen!

Bit by Bit

I gave up on myself. I don’t know when it happened. I’m not sure how it happened.

Little by little, bit by bit, I gave up. I stopped wearing makeup. Then I stopped doing up my hair nicely. Then I wore a t-shirt instead of something dressier. Then came the sweatpants.

No makeup. No hair did. T-shirts and sweatpants. No shoes. No deodorant or perfume. No bra some days. I swear, the only reason I even bothered to brush my teeth was because it made the coffee taste better!

One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t see someone I recognized. I kinda looked like one of those women, screaming and drunk, on those reality cop shows. It actually shook me up pretty badly.

There was an upside, tho. Crazy, right? How could there be an upside to looking like reality tv wreckage?

After years of control over the way I looked, I was at my wit’s end. I couldn’t leave the house without spending two hours on the way I looked, trying to avoid “his” criticism and verbal brutality. TWO HOURS. Some days, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get out. I just couldn’t make it happen.

Giving up, maybe – – just maybe – – wasn’t giving up. Maybe it was letting go.

I’m on my way back, now. I feel a little better every day. I’m combing my hair, making it look nice, even when I’m not going anywhere. Somedays I wear makeup. Some days just a little concealer and eyeliner. I spend my days, still, in sweatpants and t-shirts, but that’s because I work from home and totally can!

The first thing I did, to come back, was I began giving myself permission to let go. I gave myself permission to worry less, to think less about my appearance. I gave myself permission to care more about my heart, and less about the perfect smoky eye.

I focused on my heart, on healing it. I used affirmations, EFT, NLP, meditation, yoga, prayer, ritual worship – – I used every damn thing I could get my hands on!

But I started with permission.

Little by little, bit my bit – I gave up. Now, little by little, bit by bit – I’m coming back.

That’s how recovery works, tho. That’s how you change your thoughts. That’s how you change your habits. That’s how you change your life.

I’ve never spoken to anyone who’s whole life actually changed overnight, or in an instant.

There are events that change our thinking. In an instant, our whole perspective on the world can change. But then comes the work – to reinforce it, to change your behaviors, to change that automatic life / life on auto-pilot “thing”.

Bit by bit. Day by day. Like life – one moment at a time, one realization at a time.

I used to get so frustrated that it took so damn long. I want it now! I need it now! C’mon already!

But now I’m grateful it’s a mostly somewhat slow process. It gives me time to breathe. Time to adjust. Time to really feel it.

And yes, even time to enjoy it.

By the way, just because I know you’re dying to know – – I am wearing a little makeup, did my hair, and even put on something other than sweat pants. Leggings!