Can you relate ?

After my divorce, I was completely lost. I wasn’t lost because my marriage fell apart. I was lost inside the marriage, long before it broke up.

Some people told me I was lost because I “gave away my power.”

When I began to heal myself – from the abuse, the cheating, the manipulations, the narcissism, and the apathy – I struggled. I struggled every day. I struggled painfully. And I struggled in vain.

I couldn’t heal myself. I had “given my power away.” I no longer had the power to heal. I no longer had the power to fight. I couldn’t speak up. I had no power. I couldn’t stand up for myself. I had given my power away.

How do you get back what you gave away, what you threw away?

You can’t.

You can’t get it back, because you can’t give it away!

Here’s the thing – –

While I was healing I learned that you actually can’t give away your power. We think we can. We’re told we can. There are experts whose whole business model is based on “restoring your power”.

The truth – you CANNOT give away your power.

Your power is who you are. It’s your soul. It’s what you believe in. It’s what you feel. It’s your thoughts. It’s your talents and skills. It’s your heart. Your passions. Your fear. Your sense of humor. Your laugh. Your joy.

It’s your mind. It’s your body, that keeps supporting you no matter what shape it’s in. It’s your hair, your eyes, your hips, and your elbows.

It’s how you never quit. It’s how you love unicorns, and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and movies that make you cry.

Your power is your obsession with coffee / wine / champagne / Jared Leto, your love of the outdoors, and your habit of baby talk with your dog.

Your power is everything – EVERYTHING – that you are, that you think, that you feel.

You cannot give that away!

You can, however, set it aside. You can hide your power. You can “fake it until you make it” and pretend something else is your power.

Your power, tho, will always try to come out. Your true power will always try to show itself.

You can’t hide your power forever, anymore than you can hold the ocean back with a broom.

Your power is natural – you, naturally.

Maybe you’re a woman of a certain age, like me. You learned to sit down and be quiet. Girls don’t play sports. It’s not “appropriate” to cuss. Only trashy / slutty girls get tattoos. You don’t eat as much as the boys, no matter how hungry you are. Your hair must be tamed, and long – rather than wild or short. You don’t get your clothes dirty. You don’t talk back to men. You don’t speak up, ever.

Maybe you’re a woman who grew up in a manipulative or abusive home. So, you don’t speak up – – you hide.

Did you grow up with too many siblings, so you don’t feel you have a voice? Or maybe it was just a family, church, or school that invalidated everything you said?

Or maybe the things you wanted to say were just too different from the crowd you hung with. Too deep. Too shallow. Too practical. Too woo. Too artistic. Dreams too big. Ideas too “off-beat”.

You learned to stay silent. To hide what you felt, or thought, or believed. You learned to be invisible. You learned to just stay quiet, stay small, and give up on your ideas, dreams, and desires.

I learned these lessons from childhood. When I met a man that was more of what I already knew, I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

“How do you judge cruelty, if you’ve never known kindness?”

How do you judge hate, if you’ve never known love?

How do you judge captivity, if you’ve never known freedom?

How do you judge fear, if you’ve never know what it is to feel safe?

How do you judge chaos, if you’ve never known peace?

So – – how do you heal?

You learn – YOU KNOW – your power is still inside you. It’s still yours. It’s still there.

You focus on the behaviors of using your voice. You focus on your habits of living authentically, of being honest in your behavior, your speech, and your thoughts.

You focus on your dreams and desires. Focus on living out your dreams and desires. Focus on using everything in you to live with intention, in your purpose.

And you hire a coach, like me, to help guide you, support you, encourage you – and even kick you in the ass when you need it.

You can have anything and everything you desire.

Our dreams and desires are put on our hearts. They are Divinely given to us, for us, because we are loved and supported by an attentive God / Universe / Spirit / Creator.

We are given these desires and dreams because we are THE ONE that can make them happen. Because bringing them into the world is important. Because doing them YOUR WAY is what makes them special, important, and needed.

Believe in yourself. Believe in your power. Believe in your dreams, your desires, your crazy ideas, and your simple pleasures. Believe in a loving and supportive God / Universe / Spirit / Creator.


Trust that you can have whateverthefuck you want. Trust that everything is always working out for you. Trust that you are loved and supported. Trust that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be at this moment.

Trust yourself.

Love yourself.